November 5th, 2008
Go on, it’s okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can’t seem to avoid. I think you know who I’m talking about.
What’s not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean “habits”. If you’re tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You can not change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them – and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News… and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children – and more important, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about “getting our needs met.” And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone’s behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a 2-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her “cold shoulder” and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same “reward” at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What do they really want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate – even work extra hard – to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What can I do about it?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That’s great news! By focusing on our selves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us – today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
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October 21st, 2008
For America to develop its full potential as a country, its leaders must promote and encourage the individual success of its citizens. After all, your success blesses others!
The Right to Excel and Fail
As Americans, we have the right to the pursuit of happiness, not the right to happiness itself. We have the right to equal opportunity, but not the right to equal outcomes. We have the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. We have the right to make the choices in our lives we believe will make us happy. If we make wise choices, then we have the right to enjoy the fruits or effects of those choices. If we end up making the wrong choices, then we must naturally suffer the negative consequences.
The Option of Working Harder & Smarter
Fortunately, we then have the right to learn from our mistakes and make better choices in the future. We have the option of paying a bigger price and of earning a bigger reward. We have the right to plan more, read more, learn more, work more, practice more, risk more and become more than the person next to us. This means we also have the right to be better and achieve better results. We can exercise the equal opportunity to become unequal, or we can choose to be average.
The Politics of Mediocrity
Nothing is quite so damaging to the future of America as the proliferation of resentment and envy toward the minority of peak performing men and women who are frequently and collectively referred to by the media as “the rich.” This negative attitude toward the financially successful is manifested in campaign slogans promising to “soak the rich” and “let’s make them pay their fair share.” But could there be anything more cowardly than a politician seeking to gain power by dividing Americans by economic class? I call this type of political warfare, “The Politics of Mediocrity,” and it is, no doubt, toxic to the American spirit.
Gold Is Best Worn By Those Who Earn It
Promising to punish, through higher taxes, those who’ve already excelled financially and succeeded (As many Americans would love to do) sends a mediocre message to the rest of the population. It is like taxing a gold medal winner in the Olympics. We could call it “The Phelps Tax.” Imagine, whoever wins the gold must have his or her medal melted down and redistributed to the second and third place finishers whose medals would then be redistributed to those who did not even place in the race. This would spread the wealth around a bit.
What do you think? The fact that Phelps had a clear goal, outworked his competition, and made maximum use of his God-given talent is immaterial. It simply isn’t fair that one athlete should succeed so greatly when so many other hard-working athletes have to return home with no medal at all. Olympic gold is best worn by Michael Phelps and money is best spent by the individual who earned it.
A 4:8 America Is Excellent and Worthy of Praise
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America was founded on the principles of self-reliance, limited government, private property, individual initiative, hard work, and daring. Individualism has made America the great country it is today. Consider the American lifestyle today without the likes of Apple, Microsoft, Dell, Federal Express, Amazon.com, Starbucks, Chick-fil-A, Ford, Home Depot, and Kodak…..all companies founded by exceptional individuals and all of which add tremendous value to our lives.
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A Little History…In the Name of Fairness
During the national crises created by World War I and World War II, the American people began to allow more and more government involvement in the economy through taxation and regulation. Sound familiar? Then, as American prosperity soared, many began to believe it was only fair and even “right” for the government to take some away from those who were doing well and pass it along to those who were not doing quite so well. Many economists and academics began to embrace the socialistic concept of controlling the means of production as well as the distribution of goods produced.
Socialism Is Not an Accident
Along the way, the idea of reshuffling America’s wealth became a very popular and often effective political strategy. Politicians would be in charge of taking from those who produced more and giving to those who produced less. Since the percentage of those who do really well (the top producers) tends to be quite small, it’s fairly easy to gain mass support for taxing them. In other words, if you take from Peter and give to Paul, you will very likely have the vote of Paul, and Paul represents the majority of votes. This perpetual dependence on government rather than self, spreads like social cancer, but plays very well to the lower side of human nature.
The Something for Nothing Obsession
This Robin Hood tactic of penalizing the successful and re-appropriating their assets would never even get off the ground in America unless it were fueled by the natural human tendency to try to get something for nothing. This is an all too fashionable fantasy which is always shattered in the long run.
When you try to get something for nothing you become nothing. You will only succeed financially and otherwise to the degree that you are able to resist the something-for-nothing urge that is so pervasive in our society. And all lasting success comes from putting in far more than you plan to take out. When individuals, via governmental interference, consume without producing, then others must produce without consuming.
Make This Promise, Achieve Genuine Success
Make a promise to yourself that you will expect rewards only after you create authentic value for others. Decide to consume only after first producing. These decisions will boost your self-worth and your potential for great success in the long run.
Remember, when you punish the achievers, you hurt most everyone else as an unintended, secondary consequence. Abraham Lincoln said, “You cannot help the poor by tearing down the rich. You cannot help the wage earner by hurting the wage payer.” For a society to prosper, it must never forget who creates the jobs.
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The Class Envy Strategy
The creative minority who take responsible, persistent action toward their dreams often become the envy of those who stand by and just watch or report. Left out of the popular debate are the endless stories of true American enterprise, stories of incredible work habits, stories of entrepreneurs scarred with years of sacrifice, stories of individuals overcoming obstacles and thousands of other efforts hidden from view that, brick by brick, build the American dream. And those who promote the idea of assessing a punitive tax on this super productive minority seem to forget the lessons of history.
Who Needs Innovation Anyway?
You can look around the globe and see the destructive consequences of societies like the Soviet Union who, in the name of fairness and equality, tried to disallow success. Do your own research. Is there a single country that has punished its producers that you believe America should seek to emulate? These societies starved themselves from the ideas, innovation, services, products and jobs triggered by the so-called “rich.” As a result, they were unable to thrive and they eventually collapsed. While the strategy of class warfare succeeds in winning elections from time to time, it never really helps the intended beneficiaries (unless that is the politician) and, in the long run, hurts America by eroding and undermining the principles upon which it was built. To argue, even elegantly, against personal initiative, self-reliance and individual success is to take a cheap shot at the American dream.
Join The Magnificent Minority
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Instead, become a member of the Magnificent Minority. Reject “mutual responsibility” and accept complete responsibility for both your actions and your results. Acknowledge that you are totally responsible for your success. Not the government, not your boss, not your parents, and not society as a whole. Only you. Despite the long-winded promises to the contrary, no one is coming to the rescue! Only you have the power to make the individual choices that will accumulate into the fruits of an exciting, successful, and satisfying life. Remember, the pursuit and attainment of joy-filled success is absolutely up to you. Choose to take the initiative and you’ll find opportunities you never imagined existed. It’s the right thing to do…and your success blesses others!
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September 9th, 2008
For U.S. companies, going green has never looked so good.In one of the most dramatic turnabouts in corporate America, previously environmentally apathetic businesses of all sizes and in all industries are rushing to portray themselves as Earth-friendly or touting the eco-friendly aspects of their newest products.
Hardly a day goes by without announcements hawking the latest green initiative, new store or design. Corporate executives are flocking to green-marketing seminars. Even the Business Roundtable, a group of 160 chief executives of major U.S. companies, recently sounded the alarm about the need to reduce greenhouse gases.
In Michigan, it’s playing out in everything from landscape services selling special lawn-care programs to protect the watershed to energy-saving skylights and refrigerated cases at a new Wal-Mart set to open Wednesday in Livonia. A Grand Rapids firm has rolled out the first trade-show exhibit system made of recyclable and renewable materials.
With rising numbers of consumers awakened to the threat of global warming, being seen as green has become a competitive advantage, some marketing experts say.
“It’s sort of sexy to be green,” said Bonnie Carlson, president of the Promotion Marketing Association. “Corporations are jumping on the bandwagon because there’s a real positive halo attached to that position.”
At the same time, businesses’ environmental records face more scrutiny. Climate Counts, a new nonprofit, has evaluated and ranked the climate-change efforts of 56 large companies. Consumers can download free pocket guides with the rankings.
The growth of green marketing
But image isn’t the only motivation. Green products often command premium prices. And reducing energy usage helps companies save money.
In addition, companies in certain industries such as oil and gas hope to stave off tough climate-change regulations by selling themselves as environmentally conscious, said Thomas Lyon, a professor of sustainable science, technology and commerce at the University of Michigan’s business school.
Various industries are “now positioning themselves for a carbon-constrained world,” he said.
U-M also has tapped into this market. Lyon heads the school’s Erb Institute for Global Sustainable Enterprise, which offers a 3-year program that allows students to earn a master of science degree from the School of Natural Resources and Environment and an MBA.
“The challenge is to take something that is not naturally green and make it into a green product,” said Sun Yu, president of Berkley-based Zen Design Group, which created a line of electronic toys that doesn’t use disposable batteries.
Green marketing takes many forms, from traditional advertising to sponsorships of environmental groups or events such as the recent Live Earth concerts.
As it has spread, it also has become increasingly sophisticated. Gone are the days when companies simply labeled themselves or their products as green. Now, businesses must explain how they’re green and advertise in multiple venues, not just television, said David Lockwood, research director at Mintel, a Chicago market research firm.
“Green awareness has progressed to the point where there is skepticism,” he said.
Lockwood and other marketing experts also warn that selling a product based on its green attributes alone often doesn’t work. Ironically, to be successful, companies also must offer some non-green value, such as greater convenience or savings.
“The trick is to have products that are needed and to make them better,” he said.
Companies’ claims checked
The rise of green marketing has raised concerns about greenwashing — companies exaggerating their products’ eco-friendly attributes or making misleading claims about their environmental efforts.
“There are more and more pressures for companies to start appearing green,” said Michelle Chan, Friends of the Earth’s program manager for green investments. “Therefore, there are more and more promises.”
But with technology, businesses could find it harder to get away with greenwashing than in the past.
The Internet makes it easy for dishonest ad campaigns to quickly gain notoriety. And dozens of watchdog groups have sprung up to help consumers discern who’s telling the truth.
These efforts could ensure that green marketing doesn’t lose its effectiveness and become a fad.
“If anything, it’s overwhelming, this wave of awareness,” said Kert Davies, research director for Greenpeace. “Hopefully, this sticks around and is not just a phase.”
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